Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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