This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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