why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
