I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
