I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
