I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
