I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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