You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
