Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
