cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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