I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im holly from the hills drunk
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
