remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
