someone get that fucking seahorse.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
