Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
