am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
