Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
