ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Soap is not a condiment
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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