thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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