Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
