I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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