i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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