i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
