Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
