do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
