Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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