Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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