Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
