he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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