i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
