dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
