Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
