2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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