We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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