I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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