saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
