3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
