a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
