I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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