I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
