Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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