Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
