I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
