he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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