Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
