But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
