can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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