youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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