Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
