Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
