so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
